Well, It has been almost 6 months since the last time I have updated my blog. Not good at all. To be honest I have written blogs out but in the end decided against posting because they just seemed whiny and repetitive. So, I am hoping this one does not sound that way.
The most recent update is...We are still adopting!! The stinky part of that update is that we are moving nowhere. We started with a number in the 60's and if you can believe it, in 7 months we have only gone up (Meaning our number has gotten higher)! So we are further on the list than when we started. I have sent emails and asked tons of questions but no one seems to be able to explain to me this phenomenon. I spoke with our family coordinator and she said at least another 18 months to go. And thats on the low end of things. Could be as much as 24 months.
That being said...I am struggling. At the beginning you realize this is a possibility, an option, but the reality is really no fun. I envy those who walked into adoption and under a year had their child home. We are looking at a total of 3-4 years start to finish. Like I said I knew it was an option but realistically I didn't think it was for us! There I have said it...you never think the bad case scenario happens to you right?
Bad case scenario meaning my arms are still empty and my heart and head thought they would be full by now. Please don't misunderstand, I am a mother who has two happy healthy little girls at home and Scott and I thank the Lord every day for them. They do keep me busy and our life is full of laughter and fun...but 18 months ago I decided something was going to happen and it hasn't happened as I thought it would. I know...my bad! And now I'm struggling through my own disappointment in my expectations of adoption.
But we continue to pray. Pray for God's timing, God's peace, God's will! All of these things are good and right and yet I'm struggling. We are praying that the country doesn't close entirely (that would be worse case scenario!). And we are praying that in the wait God prepares our hearts. We are also praying that financially God continues to provide. This November all of our time dated items in our dossier expire which means more money to renew what has already been done.
But ultimately I wanted you to know that although I am struggling through this time...I am prayerfully struggling through. I would love it if you would pray with and for me. Again, thank you to everyone who has supported us in so many different ways. We could not do this without you.
I hope you read this and know that it may sound a little, 'yucky' for lack of a better word, but I am confident that God is refining and working on me and my trust in Him through this wait. Doesn't mean I like it...But I know His way is better and His time is better and His peace makes it bearable.
Love y'all!
