Preview - Christmas pics!!!

Just wanted to give you a quick preview of our girls Christmas Pictures - click HERE to check out our photographer...she ROCKS!

Beauty

This thanksgiving I have to admit I haven't been in the 'holiday' mood. Actually I have been pretty awful. Grumbling about this and that. Upset over things that are completely out of my control and hating that they are indeed out of my control. But today after being up all night shopping with all of the other crazies I had a moment where I was so thankful.

As a parent of young children the majority of our time is spent disciplining and trying to shape how they act and react to numerous situations and circumstances. And as a parent of a very strong willed child you spend more time than you want scolding, punishing and redirecting energy towards good things. This is so true in the case of my oldest daughter Lily Paige. Lily will be 3 the beginning of January and to put it mildly she wants you to know she is in charge and that her behavior coined the phrase 'terrible two's'!

Some nights I crawl into bed feeling defeated and discouraged because the majority of the day was rough, to say the least. And some nights I felt good about some obstacles we overcame that day. But this morning after being out all night and then being up the remainder of the night with the girls I had a moment of such beauty. Lily actually got up in a really great mood after only a couple hours of sleep and since we had all stayed at Scott's parents house (so my Mother-in-law could watch the girls while we shopped!) Lily was super excited to see Granny first thing in the morning.

She immediately went to helping Granny. Cleaning, cooking, anything Granny told her to do she was on it. The funny thing about Lily is she loves to clean. Most days she asks for wipes and scrubs down just about anything in sight for hours at a time. (Yes! I know, most mothers are envious right now!!) But instead of pitching a fit when things didn't go her way or pouting because someone wasn't paying her attention she was perfectly happy to help. She would frequently run over and offer me and Anna kisses and then head back to help her Granny. She was in her element and it was truly beautiful to watch her excel and enjoy something so easily.

The interesting thing about Lily Paige is her name means 'Beautiful Servant'! Scott and I always name our children and love to research the meaning of the name. In the Bible when God named someone it always had a meaning. Usually the person didn't always live up to the meaning, but God in all His genius named them this because He could see what they would become. What their potential was. When He named Peter and Christ called him the rock He would build His church upon, most probably scoffed at this. Peter was brash and quick to anger, he denied Christ 3 times and yet God foresaw all that Peter would be through Him. He would become the rock that the New Testament church was built upon.

Now when I look at Lily I try to remember this - That while her name means 'Beautiful Servant' and she may not live up to that now, in the future I know her giftings and talents will lead her to become just that...a beautiful servant. Praying even now that she is willing and able to be used of God in such a way to serve the masses. And while she is little and still learning and asserting her independence I see glimpses of that beautiful servant. Serving her Granny this morning and helping her any way she can.  Knowing that she loves to help and serve mommy at home when things are crazy and we are on the hunt...AGAIN, for Anna's pacifier! She truly does shine when she is living out the meaning of her name.

As for my sweet Anna Claire (no I didn't forget about my other baby) although the jury is still out and we see more and more of her personality emerge, we do see her live up to her meaning as well. Anna Claire means 'Clear Grace' and if you have spent any time around her she is a true picture of that. She is a baby who is happy and content in any situation and loves anyone and anything she comes in contact with. Praying that as she continues to grow and learn that she truly does show people the grace of a loving and just God.

As I head to bed tonight I pray you might look at your name. Find out what the meaning is. If you think there are spots on your past or people who have scoffed at the dreams and passions God has given you, remember God in all His wisdom chose that name for you because He knew what you would become. He knew where you were headed and He too sees the beauty shine when you use your gifts and talents for His glory!

Love y'all!

P.S. Sorry if your name means something less than appealing. Nikki means Victory of the people, so I'm right there with you!!!

Knitting

I am up late and all is quiet and everyone is asleep in the Windham house tonight. Everyone but me! My spirit is burdened tonight and my thoughts are all over the place. I have tried all the old, put yourself to sleep staples and none of them have worked. (Note to self: Dr. Pepper at 10:30pm probably wasn't the best idea!) Now almost 3 hours later I have decided I am supposed to be awake and embracing this instead of fighting it.

Scott and I had dinner tonight with a really amazing couple. They are newly engaged and you only have to look at them to see very much in love. It's that touchy, soft glances type of new love. I remember that love and on occasion it does show itself, in between the poop and screaming children! No seriously, it made me ecstatic to see God create something again! A family. To look at these two and hear their story is truly a testament to how intricately God weaves our stories together. A beautiful picture of two strangers who have come together and through the wisdom and sovereignty of God their hearts are knit together forever.

Of course as I laid in bed tonight and prayed for my kids and my husband and well numerous other things I came back to the statement they kept saying, how God had knit their hearts together. And of course God used that to burden my heart more.

To those who have never adopted, cannot fathom adoption or just don't understand it -  I can relate on some level. It is a very foreign concept for me and I can see how it might give cause or concern to others. How can a man and a women who have never met a child or share no DNA or history, love them? I don't know. But this is what I know...I DO!

I can honestly say I love my baby in Ethiopia as much as I did my girls when I was pregnant with them. This child who is so a part of your life and so a part of the future of your family, yet still unknown to you. The bible says, (Psalm 139:13) "For you formed my inward parts, you knit me together in my mothers womb." While yes I experienced this portion with my girls and won't with him, I don't feel any different or cheated about my baby boy. Yes I will not be pregnant with him but already God is knitting him into my heart. Every night I pray for him just as I pray for my girls. Every night I pray that he would be a man of God who would be used to reach millions for Jesus Christ. And every night I pray for his safety, security, protection and a hundred other things.

Unlike my girls I don't know his circumstances nor am I there to hold, cuddle and rock away the crying at night. I won't be there when he has many firsts but this I know, he is my baby. Before time began God set him aside to be a Windham. For his parents to be Scott and Nikki of Odessa, TX. Just like that newly engaged couple whom God has been purifying and molding to bring together at this time, God has prepared, molding and purified us for this time and this child. And I know that 5 years ago I would not have been able to walk through the ignorant words, lack of support and understanding we have received. But the Holy Spirit makes it possible each day to wake up and fight. Fight for the life of an innocent child born into a sinful fallen world. Because the Holy Spirit has knit my heart to a smaller one in a continent far away.

I hope you will take the ramblings of an exhausted half awake mom as they are. Broken, burdened and always watchful to fight for my babies. Keep praying for us as we send our paperwork and first deposit in Monday. We will keep you updated.

HE DID IT! Jehovah-Jireh

Jehovah-Jireh ~ "The Lord will provide"


As I said in a previous blog our initial application was approved and we were waiting to make our first deposit of $1350 so that we could continue to the next step...the home study.  The home study is a 4-6 month process where your agency collects any and all information about both adoptive parents. And when I say everything I mean, birth certificates, marriage license, criminal records from every county you have each lived in since 18. You have to be FBI fingerprinted, given international physicals and I am just touching the tip of the home study iceberg!! So the longer it takes us to get the $1350 to our agency the longer we wait to start the home study. 


Well, of course Scott and I were unsure as to where we were going to get an extra $1350.00 from our already strapped budget and would you believe we received a phone call from our CPA in TN and he noticed a mistake in our 2008 taxes. After he finished the amendment form to be submitted, the government owed us a little bit of money! Can you guess how much? $1364.00!!!!!!!  $14  over what our initial deposit is! Scott and I were ecstatic to say the least and once again God had provided in a way we could have never dreamed of. 


The very small fly in our ointment was the money still wasn't going to get to us for quite some time which still put us some time out. But on thursday I decided to check the IRS website and see if they had updated our info and guess what? They had! And the money was being direct deposited into our account friday morning. So now we are finishing our paperwork and writing a check to send off to our agency so that we can start the home study! Weeks or possibly months faster then we anticipated. 


Can I tell you that countless times Scott and I have read blog after blog and article after article that says even when you are fearful, fearful of what adoption will cost, with your money, your time or your comfort, step out in that fear. Knowing that in your fear God will be made known. His power, His provision, His sovereignty! Knowing that in your fear God's grace will be made known in the life of a child.  


Journey with us as we watch God continue to perform miracles in our lives and in our family!

Top 10 Things...

Top 10 Things you don't want to hear from your Youth Pastor!!

10. The kids were wondering if there were any commandments against crowd surfing from the alter during the contemporary service.

9. This year's Spring Break missions trip is to Cancun, Mexico.

8. You never said not to use the baptistery for our hot-tub ministry.

7. If you struggle, the knots will just get tighter.

6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, two are in the police car... that's everyone!

5. I thought I had a firm hold on his ankles as we dangled him off the roof.

4. There has to be some cleaner that will get the paint-ball stains off the sanctuary walls.

3. (Said to a girl's parent after coming home from an overseas missions trip) "Say hello to your new son-in-law!"

2. Umm, well, Flaming Marshmallows of Death sounded like a fun game at the time.

1. I'm just doing this until I can become a REAL pastor.

Needed to laugh a little tonight!! Maybe you don't get it, well work, volunteer or serve in Youth Ministry and this becomes hilarious!!! 

This is dedicated to all those who serve faithfully in Crossroads High School Ministry!! You are the best volunteers and we love you!!!

This is also dedicated to all the students who have made these things possible! You know who you are and you frighten me!!! HAHAHA! 

"Our Houses are Bigger than Most Foreign Orphanages"

I totally stole this from a friends blog and think it is fabulous. This exert from an interview was one of the catalyst that lead us to make the final decision to adopt!

From a recent interview with Greg Lucas about his new book Wrestling with an Angel:

Adoption is very difficult. It is a long and often heart wrenching process. Depending on what type of adoption is pursued (domestic, foreign, special needs, etc.) you could wait upwards of four years and spend up to $40,000 on the adoption process. You could also wait a few months and spend as little as $2,000.00.

I’ll put this as simple as I can. Some types of adoption are not for everyone, but everyone can and should be involved in the adoption process.

According to UNICEF, there are somewhere between 143 and 200 million orphans worldwide. By some liberal statistics (and perhaps sprinkled with some divine irony) that’s about the same amount of people who identify themselves as “Christians” in the US.

I have a firm conviction that every member of a Christ-centered, gospel believing church should be involved in the adoption process. If you have room in your family, fill it with a child in need of a family. If you have money in the bank, but cannot physically adopt, support a family who can.

As American Christians we are incredibly wealthy. Our houses (even the smallest of them) are bigger than most foreign orphanages. We have the resources, we have the room, we have the gospel…all that’s missing are 200 million orphans!

I also believe that the greatest influence of the gospel is within the immediate family—Dad pastoring his family and both parents living the gospel in front of their kids. If this is true, then one of the greatest ministries of the church and one of the most effective settings for evangelism and discipleship should be the ministry of adoption.

At our local church, my pastor is setting the example for this. He and his wife have three amazing children. They don’t “long for” more kids, neither do they feel that there is something missing in their lives in their early 30’s. They simply saw a need that broke their hearts, found some room, scraped up some money and now they are on a waiting list for a child in Ethiopia. Talk about Great Commission obedience!

With this in mind, take some time to walk through your enormous house and ask God what he would have you do with your part of the 200 million orphans worldwide, most of whom may never hear the gospel, much less have it lived out in a loving family of their own.

For a Mama's Eyes Only

Tonight Scott and I had a date night!! Always a treat and always nice to sit in a dark movie theater, hold my honey's hand and slip into an alternate world without worries and cares. Well, we chose to see Secretariat because everyone had been raving about it and I can say whole heartedly it was a really great movie! As it started I was totally engrossed in the story of a housewife who decided to stand up for something she believed in. As it continued I felt such a kinship with the character. Not because she was raising horses, (I don't know anything about horses) or because she lived in Denver, (I've never even been there) no, I felt such a draw towards this character because she struggled and sacrificed for something she truly believed in. She had faith in something bigger than herself when others continually beat her down.

But, as she fights for the horse she so deeply believes in, she sacrifices time with her husband, her kids and misses out on vital parts of there lives. I can totally relate to the inner struggle I so often have between the two callings God has placed in my life. So often in my passion for the things of God I feel this tug. The pull to be with my husband and children while at the same time the pull to bring hope to the lost, to be a part of something bigger than my living room. I don't say this lightly. I know that the time I have with my children is priceless and will flash before my eyes and I cherish every new and exciting moment I have with them. But my heart aches to have a larger impact for what I believe is the only hope left in our world. Jesus.

I don't have a happy answer for this struggle. I still have not figured out how to balance both or allow both to coexist, especially with small children. But for now I know my place is at home with my babies. While the world may look at a "stay at home mom" and see very little, I know that the things I teach my children can have a huge impact. I may be the mother of the next Kari Jobe, or female Billy Graham. A young woman of God who will impact millions for the kingdom of Jesus Christ. I also know that when my girls are out of the house I still have plenty of time to take that hope to the masses. To be the hands and feet of Jesus. But regardless of where I may be I want to be like this character in Secretariat. Whether I am at home or serving the homeless and orphaned. I want those around me to see a woman who believes with every fiber of her being in something bigger than herself. A woman who will sacrifice for this belief. A woman who will fight for this belief. A woman who runs the race God has set before her with endurance!

I titled this blog for Mama's eyes only because I know so many mothers who struggle with this same tug on their hearts. But regardless of where you find yourself or the choices you make about where God has you, be the type of woman who not only runs the race but runs it with integrity, honesty, passion and love! I love you all!


 

Approved!!

Today November 12, 2010 we got an exciting phone call. Our adoption agency called to inform us that our application had not only been approved but approved specifically for the Ethiopia program. YEAH!!!!! And so our journey continues. While speaking to the intake processor on the phone she told me an entire slew of information I knew I wouldn't remember and finished off by saying she had sent everything in an email and it was okay if I was a little overwhelmed.  I immediately called Scott and told him! He was just as thrilled as I was because this gets us one step closer to our baby. After reading the very thorough email with 8 attachments (some to just read and some to send back) I breathed a sigh of relief. Relief that one step, of I am sure 10,000, was done. 

Our next step is to return our agency agreement with a down payment for our program. After this is completed we will start our home study. But until our home study is completed we are unable to apply for any grants that can aid us with the cost. Currently an international adoption from Ethiopia can cost anywhere from $30,000-$45,000. Which leads me to a cry for help. Although we realize that we will have to put our own funds towards this adoption we are trusting God that He will provide for the bulk of our costs through our community, church, friends and family. By this I mean fundraising. After much research we have found that fundraising is a huge success when it comes to covering adoption fees. We have seen everything from t-shirt sales (which not only raise money but allow an opportunity to educate others about the orphan crisis), jewelry sales with an adoption theme. We have seen others raffle off donated services, like a photography session or a condo in Hawaii! Everything and anything works. So if you have any ideas or would like to help please let us know. We would love it if you can help us bring our baby boy home. 

To those who are confused about us asking for help, let me say this, James 1:27 clearly says,

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."   

Scott and I are called to adopt. The way we are called to live out this piece of scripture is by opening our hearts, home and family to one who would not otherwise have these things. Simple as that. But we also know that not everyone is called to adopt. However we do believe that each of us has a responsibility when it comes to orphans. Your calling may be to give us words of encouragement when we need them. Maybe you are able to give financially and help us cover some of the costs. Ultimately the greatest thing you can do for us during this journey is join us in prayer. We covet your prayers more than you know and love each and everyone of you as you walk with us and help in anyway you can to bring our baby home to us. 

We anticipate everything God is going to accomplish through each of you and believe that the story He is writing about our baby boy will show God's grace, mercy, providence and love in a miraculous way!!!

Making it Count

Here recently I have realized how quickly my babies are growing up! By no means am I saying they are on their way out of the house but both girls are daily reaching and passing milestones that are so important to their development and childhood. As I notice time flying by our family, I also notice how often I allow incredible opportunities to become moments of waste. Moments where I can influence and teach my girls the things I believe have value in this life. So we are going to start making every moment count! Not making them count for recognition or for me to look like a mom who has it all together, I don't! But simply because I believe that if I can teach them even something small once a week that is based on a piece of scripture than we all win! God clearly says that His word will not return void!

And since we find ourselves in the season of Thanksgiving I think it only right to start teaching Lily (and even Anna...she may be small but I promise she is taking it all in) about praising God for all He has given us. Our verse this week is Psalm 95:2 "Let us come to him with thanksgiving. Let us sing psalms of praise to him." So we made a Thankful Tree today! (please steal this idea if it seems appealing...I stole it from another mother!) And it worked out better than I anticipated. The idea behind this concept is you create a family tree with craft paper and paint and then every day in the month of November we attach a leaf for each child that says something we are thankful for. Today I let Lily do 4 leaves because she was so excited! The things she wanted to Thank Jesus for were, Mernie (this is Ariel the Little Mermaid), our House, the tree we just made and her Daddy!

This is our completed tree!

Lily's crazy turkey hand.

Precious Anna's little turkey!

And here is our tree with 4 construction paper leaves!

So, this is our November project! Already have my ideas for the month of December and cannot wait to see all my sweet girls soak up!

November - Lets start off right!

It has been one of those days. A day where most decisions I made were a fail or flop. A day where Lily is getting into everything she isn't supposed to and then screaming and tantrum throwing while she sits in time out. A day where I have fallen into a weepy mess more than stayed in a sane frame of mind.

That being said instead of crying some more and throwing myself a pity party because Scott is half way across the world I am going to start off the month of November with my top 10 things I am thankful for. A 'Count your Blessings' list!

1. Jesus (I am not going to write all of His incredible attributes and the reasons I am thankful for Him because I think His name holds all I need right now)

2. My husband - who at this moment is sacrificing his safety to bring the hope of Jesus Christ to the Bhojpuri people in India

3. Lily - who keeps me aware of how exciting and vibrant the world is as I watch her experience everything new and interesting

4. Anna - who shows me joy and peace every day

5. My family

6. My health

7. My home

8. My job

9. My friends

10. My freedom

Of course this list could go on and on but its a good start. Be blessed blogsphere!!