Knitting

I am up late and all is quiet and everyone is asleep in the Windham house tonight. Everyone but me! My spirit is burdened tonight and my thoughts are all over the place. I have tried all the old, put yourself to sleep staples and none of them have worked. (Note to self: Dr. Pepper at 10:30pm probably wasn't the best idea!) Now almost 3 hours later I have decided I am supposed to be awake and embracing this instead of fighting it.

Scott and I had dinner tonight with a really amazing couple. They are newly engaged and you only have to look at them to see very much in love. It's that touchy, soft glances type of new love. I remember that love and on occasion it does show itself, in between the poop and screaming children! No seriously, it made me ecstatic to see God create something again! A family. To look at these two and hear their story is truly a testament to how intricately God weaves our stories together. A beautiful picture of two strangers who have come together and through the wisdom and sovereignty of God their hearts are knit together forever.

Of course as I laid in bed tonight and prayed for my kids and my husband and well numerous other things I came back to the statement they kept saying, how God had knit their hearts together. And of course God used that to burden my heart more.

To those who have never adopted, cannot fathom adoption or just don't understand it -  I can relate on some level. It is a very foreign concept for me and I can see how it might give cause or concern to others. How can a man and a women who have never met a child or share no DNA or history, love them? I don't know. But this is what I know...I DO!

I can honestly say I love my baby in Ethiopia as much as I did my girls when I was pregnant with them. This child who is so a part of your life and so a part of the future of your family, yet still unknown to you. The bible says, (Psalm 139:13) "For you formed my inward parts, you knit me together in my mothers womb." While yes I experienced this portion with my girls and won't with him, I don't feel any different or cheated about my baby boy. Yes I will not be pregnant with him but already God is knitting him into my heart. Every night I pray for him just as I pray for my girls. Every night I pray that he would be a man of God who would be used to reach millions for Jesus Christ. And every night I pray for his safety, security, protection and a hundred other things.

Unlike my girls I don't know his circumstances nor am I there to hold, cuddle and rock away the crying at night. I won't be there when he has many firsts but this I know, he is my baby. Before time began God set him aside to be a Windham. For his parents to be Scott and Nikki of Odessa, TX. Just like that newly engaged couple whom God has been purifying and molding to bring together at this time, God has prepared, molding and purified us for this time and this child. And I know that 5 years ago I would not have been able to walk through the ignorant words, lack of support and understanding we have received. But the Holy Spirit makes it possible each day to wake up and fight. Fight for the life of an innocent child born into a sinful fallen world. Because the Holy Spirit has knit my heart to a smaller one in a continent far away.

I hope you will take the ramblings of an exhausted half awake mom as they are. Broken, burdened and always watchful to fight for my babies. Keep praying for us as we send our paperwork and first deposit in Monday. We will keep you updated.