The Search for Love

Well, we just got back from vacation and it was fabulous and tons of fun, but that is why I haven't blogged in a while! But I'm getting back into the swing of things, laundry, work, making food instead of ordering! All the oldies but goodies! And yet I find myself in a bit of an upset. Nothing seems to click like I want it to and my spirit feels out of place. And so I know God is aching to refine, purge and mold me some more. Which if I can be honest is bittersweet! I know that's awful to admit but in my experience the process is rather painful but worth it in the end. And unfortunately or maybe fortunately I know what He is wanting to do. Bring me back to His love. Sounds easy right? I wish it were so.

This next part has to include a confession. I am constantly searching for love. Love, affection, adoration...I don't care what you call it I'm always wanting more. Nothing can quench my desire to be loved. And like most females I know I search for it everywhere! Anything that will fill the void. I look for it in my husband, my kids, the world's view on my worth. And as most of you can guess I come up with a big fat nothing. Left watching a romantic comedy to get my quick fill of that 'feel good' feeling! Sad isn't it? Those things the world offers me as a quick fix are just not cutting it. I need something more, something with more depth and Jesus is so good to know that. He is so good to call me back and not give me Christian cliches. He knows I need to bask in His love, his affection and His adoration. And let me clarify this isn't about me, it's all about Him. The reminder that He is worthy for me to give affection, love and adoration and only through Him will I find all of these things.

But in order to get to that place it means letting go of so many mindsets and old habits. Pushing myself, what the world has told me and what my past has ingrained in me aside! Revealing where truth is hidden and grabbing that and running towards Jesus! This also means the enemy will be on the prowl...ugh! I hate this! I'm not the strong Christian girl who enjoys the attacks of the enemy because its a reminder that she is a threat! I'm the girl who screams out scripture and the powerful name of Jesus in hopes that it will scare them away!

So as I walk this next part of my journey out I would so covet your prayers. I know this is so much more difficult if I am alone and I trust that God will place people around me to encourage and lift me up, because He is just good like that. I promise I'll try to give an upbeat post next...sorry they've all been debbie downers lately! Oh well as Scott says at least it's something I'm passionate about! Much love! Take Care!