Weird!

Well, here recently I can't say I've been at my best. To be completely honest a week ago today I had a bit of a breakdown. Like crying, shaking, overwhelmed had to call my husband breakdown. Ever had one of those? If not, I'm happy for you. But if you have, you know what they feel like. Defeating and a sense of being lost and all of it controlled by stress. Stress over my house (cleaning, laundry, etc.), stress over my job, over being a mom, a wife, a pastors wife...and the list goes on. The best way I could describe to Scott my anxiety was, I feel like I have 7 different hats I am meant to wear and while I have my hats on at all times of the day switching back and forth I feel like I am not doing even one thing well. Just maintaining at a mediocre level of all things...essentially keeping my head above water. And I find that most days I walk around dazed just trying to keep up and maintain this crazy lifestyle I have created.

Well, my husband calmed me and we concluded that while I was stressed and overwhelmed everything is fixable! Everything can be resolved and it is simply a matter of re-prioritizing and establishing good habits. And this is partly true. (I'll explain in a minute.) Two days later Scott went out of town again to recruit interns for the summer for Crossroads Youth Ministry and while he was gone a friend told me to pick up Craig Groeschel's book Weird. This was after telling her about my blowup and she said just read the first chapter....she was right on. The first chapter of this book speaks to everyone but stressed out, exhausted moms who are doing too much - it is most definitely for us!

Let me quote something to you from the book and see if it rings true for you. "...we usually equate busyness with importance. This isn't just about worldly accomplishments; it's about spiritual worth as well. One of the foundational lies we've absorbed about the value of busyness is that it indicates our spiritual worth. If we work hard enough and get our lives together and do as many good and valuable things as possible, then God will be pleased." For me this was a wow moment because not only do I try to do it all but I try to make sure it looks like I have it all together. Let's be honest...I don't! Far from it and somewhere along my journey I thought it was more important to please people instead of God. So I've piled on thing after thing in the hopes to please those around me and lie of all lies please God.

How sad is it that I have sought man's approval before God's? How sad that in the busyness of life I have allowed the Devil victory? Ever heard the saying, " If the Devil can't makes us really bad, then he'll make us really busy?" I hadn't but boy does it ring true now.  I've allowed the busyness of life to control me and my decisions and actions and it has left me lost, confused, stressed and having anxiety attacks.

So I am regrouping and yes re-prioritizing but not because I want man's approval. Because I want God's will for my life. Because I want to do a few God ordained things well and not a lot of important worldly things poorly. So I have changed my conjunction as Groeschel writes. I am no longer an and girl. "I will do this and this and this and this and this!" I'm dropping or's into my boat ride and it will now be I can do this or this or this or this! Simplicity is the key. Simplicity in my house (not every room has to sparkle everyday), simplicity in my job (the only pressure I have is placed by myself!), simplicity as a mom (playing and investing in my kids is more important than carting them to 5 activities per week), and simplicity in being a wife/pastor's wife (my ministry to Scott = loving and serving him in the small things!). So i invite you to join me and become an or person. Stop trying to stay busy so that we look and feel important in the eyes of the world. But slow down and invest in people and souls in the simple things. Just like Jesus. In His lifetime He would never be considered normal. And while the world maintains I should be busy to be important and normal, what is normal is not what I want. What everyone else is doing is not my goal in life. Matthew 7:13,14 says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate that leads to destruction, and many (normal) enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few (weird) find it."

Become weird with me and slow down and follow Jesus.