Well, the holiday's are coming to a close and with the ending of the chaos comes a time to re-focus, re-group and re-assess all of the things we have done this year. To continue to strive towards the goals and dreams we have declared for ourselves. Of course as many of you know one of those dreams is to adopt from Ethiopia and while we have started the process, the holidays put a bit of a kink in our progress. The hustle, bustle and busyness of the season saw me more focused on tons of other things and continually pulled my focus from the actual business at hand.
So, today is the day I officially get back on track. Let me update you as I refresh my own memory. We are so close to finishing the paper trail for both our dossier and our home study (which is really great!). Once these two things are finished we start our waiting game as our family and our new son are matched. The next box to be checked on my never ending list is to make sure we have all of our home study stuff done and send it off to Dallas where our social worker is located. As I understand it she organizes it and runs our extensive background checks. Once this all comes back normal we will schedule some interviews and that will conclude this portion of the home study. Once our home study is complete we will be able to start the process of applying for adoption grants.
Again I want to say thank you!!! Thank you for your encouragement, your love and support! Even when you think it has gone unnoticed it hasn't! This journey reminds us daily how loved and blessed we are. How so many people have stood by us and are cheering us on. Each of you are so precious to us and an important piece of our little boys story!! We love you!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Stretching
1 Peter 2
1 So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. 2 Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, 3 now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness.
The passage goes on to talk about those who reject God and says...
8They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.
9 But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests,[f] a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.
10 “Once you had no identity as a people;
now you are God’s people.
Once you received no mercy;
now you have received God’s mercy.”[g]
now you are God’s people.
Once you received no mercy;
now you have received God’s mercy.”[g]
11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.[h]
Can I ask a question? How are we as a 'chosen people' separating ourselves from the world? How is my life, my words, my actions showing others the goodness of God?
The past couple of weeks have been a time of stretching for me. God has been opening my eyes to more pain and hurt than I have ever experienced. It has been rough to say the least and some days I haven't handled it properly. I have seen brother speak against brother, friend taunt friend and believer despise the unbeliever. And during this time of revelation I have become discouraged and disheartened, but I press on knowing that he who has started a good work in me is faithful to finish it.
That being said during this stretching time I have been more aware of how flippantly we take our roles as the children of God!! I find most days that my actions don't usually have the right motives behind them. My words carry hurt, bitterness, anger and a host of other things that definitely don't separate me from the world. And the choices I make, even on a daily basis grieve the heart of God. I cannot count how often I am sure I do.
But as God molds and shapes me and matures me in my faith I have realized how little time I have left. How limited and fleeting my life is and how the desire of my heart is to show the glory of God in my life. How words, actions and choices not only affect myself but those around me. How my words, actions and choices point either towards or away from God.
In Phillipians 3 Paul writes about claiming Christ's righteousness as his own. He writes about how this righteousness is only attained through faith in Jesus Christ and how he too wants to experience the power, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He goes on to say this...
He then goes on to tell us of those who live only for this earth...
18For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.
I pray during the duration of my life that I think of things eternal. I pray my actions, words and choices reflect that of my eternal goal and not things of this world!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Who is standing with you?
Well let me start by saying that Sunday, December 19th, my sweet baby girl turned 1!!!! Yes she is no longer classified as a baby but is now a toddler. So Happy Birthday Sweet Anna Claire!
And along with turning one are some transitions. Some we love and some we wish didn't have to happen. One of these transitions is taking away formula and in turn the bottle. This transition with Lily, although a little different, was awful and I have tried this time to make it easier on not only Anna but Scott and myself. We have been cutting out bottles slowly the last couple weeks and Anna has taken the sippy cup great. (Not a great fan of milk though!) But the last two nights we have cut out the dreaded night night bottle. I know that many mothers can attest...this is the hardest one. And just like everything Anna does, last night was a breeze!! She did great! But tonight we had a bit of a hiccup. I was putting her to sleep and it was rough. Lots of crying, screaming and rolling around. (Let's be honest....some of this was me!!!!) And after I had exhausted all the options in my catalogue of mommy tricks, Scott came in with her sippy filled with milk. She took it gratefully and then calmed down and fell asleep in Scott's arms.
As Scott stood there rocking her I said to him that I hadn't even thought of that and he made this statement. "It's easier to see the solution when you aren't in the middle of it." Which of course struck me and caused a new train of thought. A new dialogue with God.
I started to ask myself...Who is standing with you? Who is watching and walking through life with you? Who is helping you find the solution when you are "in the middle of it"? The bible says, "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9
I have been blessed with not only my husband, who offers incredible encouragement, wisdom and counsel in many situations, but also with some great female friends. These women all fill different roles in my life. One of these women is an incredible intercessor and although we don't talk often I know that she lifts me, Scott and our girls up every day!! Another friend I have is a phenomenal encourager. She stands beside me with words of life and holds me up when the days feels long and never ending. Another friend is a person of joy and laughter and she is always there to make me see how full of laughter and delight our life is. And might I add none of these women live close to me.
But when I find myself losing hope, suffering with doubt or caught in an awful situation (sometimes of my own making) each of them offers a piece of wisdom I could not see, because I was in the middle of it! I thank God daily for these women and count myself privileged to walk with them. Not only are they great friends but they are my sisters in Christ, and as they pour what God has taught them into me, I find a richness in my life I didn't have before. These women are truly living out Colossians 3:16 "Let the message of Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives."
So I want to ask you...Who is standing with you? Who is encouraging and lifting you up? Who is walking with you as you stumble and fall? Sharing not only in your failures but your triumphs!!! I encourage you to grasp the hands of those around you. Allow them to see you as you truly are and watch how the body of Christ comes together!
And one more of both my girls before the birthday bash!!
And along with turning one are some transitions. Some we love and some we wish didn't have to happen. One of these transitions is taking away formula and in turn the bottle. This transition with Lily, although a little different, was awful and I have tried this time to make it easier on not only Anna but Scott and myself. We have been cutting out bottles slowly the last couple weeks and Anna has taken the sippy cup great. (Not a great fan of milk though!) But the last two nights we have cut out the dreaded night night bottle. I know that many mothers can attest...this is the hardest one. And just like everything Anna does, last night was a breeze!! She did great! But tonight we had a bit of a hiccup. I was putting her to sleep and it was rough. Lots of crying, screaming and rolling around. (Let's be honest....some of this was me!!!!) And after I had exhausted all the options in my catalogue of mommy tricks, Scott came in with her sippy filled with milk. She took it gratefully and then calmed down and fell asleep in Scott's arms.
As Scott stood there rocking her I said to him that I hadn't even thought of that and he made this statement. "It's easier to see the solution when you aren't in the middle of it." Which of course struck me and caused a new train of thought. A new dialogue with God.
I started to ask myself...Who is standing with you? Who is watching and walking through life with you? Who is helping you find the solution when you are "in the middle of it"? The bible says, "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9
I have been blessed with not only my husband, who offers incredible encouragement, wisdom and counsel in many situations, but also with some great female friends. These women all fill different roles in my life. One of these women is an incredible intercessor and although we don't talk often I know that she lifts me, Scott and our girls up every day!! Another friend I have is a phenomenal encourager. She stands beside me with words of life and holds me up when the days feels long and never ending. Another friend is a person of joy and laughter and she is always there to make me see how full of laughter and delight our life is. And might I add none of these women live close to me.
But when I find myself losing hope, suffering with doubt or caught in an awful situation (sometimes of my own making) each of them offers a piece of wisdom I could not see, because I was in the middle of it! I thank God daily for these women and count myself privileged to walk with them. Not only are they great friends but they are my sisters in Christ, and as they pour what God has taught them into me, I find a richness in my life I didn't have before. These women are truly living out Colossians 3:16 "Let the message of Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives."
So I want to ask you...Who is standing with you? Who is encouraging and lifting you up? Who is walking with you as you stumble and fall? Sharing not only in your failures but your triumphs!!! I encourage you to grasp the hands of those around you. Allow them to see you as you truly are and watch how the body of Christ comes together!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Losing hope
Can I confess something? I'm embarrassed to admit it but I'm stuck in a place of losing hope. The past couple of weeks we have been steadily collecting information, getting documents approved by our agency for our dossier...honestly things are cruising right along. But I've found myself in a state of sadness. A place where I am sad and losing hope. I'm not sure if it is the holidays and I'm not in california with my family, or I miss my grandma and this is my first christmas without her. I'm not sure if I am just allowing myself to fall into this state of melancholy or if I am struggling with my faith during this adoption....I just don't know. But here I am feeling no motivation for really anything and knowing how wrong it is.
The common saying is that adoption is not for the faint of heart and it isn't hard to understand. It is a state of ups and downs. Filled with awesome moments of awe in the power of God followed by bottomless pits of gut wrenching faith as you are powerless to control anything. The latter is where I find myself. Here we are working daily to gather information and return it to our social worker...but unless we have a large sum of money quickly we can't turn anything in. And while I know how powerful my God is and I know He can provide for me, even when I don't see it, here I find myself...losing hope that this is going to work out.
Can I ask a favor? Would you please be in prayer for me? Not that God would provide the money...but that my faith would grow stronger, that my knowledge of who God is would be bigger in my life and that through this process I would see the hand of God in my family, friends and supporters!
Thanks for walking with us, supporting us and loving us! We cannot tell you how important and meaningful it is to have you all in our lives!
The common saying is that adoption is not for the faint of heart and it isn't hard to understand. It is a state of ups and downs. Filled with awesome moments of awe in the power of God followed by bottomless pits of gut wrenching faith as you are powerless to control anything. The latter is where I find myself. Here we are working daily to gather information and return it to our social worker...but unless we have a large sum of money quickly we can't turn anything in. And while I know how powerful my God is and I know He can provide for me, even when I don't see it, here I find myself...losing hope that this is going to work out.
Can I ask a favor? Would you please be in prayer for me? Not that God would provide the money...but that my faith would grow stronger, that my knowledge of who God is would be bigger in my life and that through this process I would see the hand of God in my family, friends and supporters!
Thanks for walking with us, supporting us and loving us! We cannot tell you how important and meaningful it is to have you all in our lives!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Haunting Challenge
This was a video I came across and it was rather haunting. Haunting because I find myself scurrying after the hottest gift, hoping everyone is pleased with the gifts I picked out for them and then exhausted and left feeling empty after it is all said and done. Haunting because what it challenges me to do - I am not doing! Take a look and at the moment you think this has nothing to do with me or it makes you really uncomfortable...KEEP WATCHING!!
Faith is spelled R-I-S-K
This week we have continued the paper chase process. Making phone calls and setting up appointments. Gathering original documents, chasing down notary's and ordering books. And during all of this I find myself getting caught up in my to-do list. Caught up in the next thing that needs to be ticked off the never ending list of papers. And while all of this is necessary and totally worth it I can get distracted from what God has called me to. What God has placed so deep into my heart. A burden and a calling to be a voice for those who don't have one. For those who, by no choice of their own, find themselves in circumstances that could lead to violence, abuse and even death.
As part of our home study Scott and I are required to read 6 books a piece about adoption. These range from how to connect to your adopted child to what it feels like to be adopted. But Scott during his amazon.com raid found a book that journey's the adoption story of a couple who find themselves infertile and seeking to adopt from Ethiopia. After flying to Africa and meeting their beautiful son, Silas, they visit the orphanage he had been housed in and this is what she writes in her book after meeting the children still waiting for homes,
"Suddenly I could see Silas in these children's faces. I could glimpse something of Silas's future in their eyes. I could see Silas at 10 years old, with holes in his jeans and lice in his hair. I could see him at 18 years old, with no education, no marketable skills, and no job prospects. I could see Silas at 22, phased out of the orphanage system, living on the streets, scrambling to survive, reduced to animal like existence. Through such glimpses, I felt more fully the gravity of our decision to adopt Silas. I also felt sobered by the tragic consequences when we do not "defend the orphan" and do not take care of the "least of these.""
Would you do me a favor and place your child's face there. Would you please look at your daughter and son and picture them stuck in an orphanage with no one to hold, rock or love them? Scrounging for food and attention? Please look at your child and picture them learning to never utter a word because they know no one will answer when they call out or offer help. These are real children.
When I think of Lily or Anna laying in a bed at night scared and cold and hungry my heart breaks over the innocent children who suffer daily while we live our pampered, indulgent, bubble mentality lives. I know that when I think of this I am humbled to remember that God gave me everything I have, that he has blessed my life in abundance so that HIS glory may be made known in my life. Not that I might buy my kids the newest iPod or redecorate my 3000 sq ft home. But that I would use the blessings he has given me to show others his love. That through me and Scott and our girls, others would see Him!!!
I realize that to many what we are attempting seems crazy. Sometimes it seems that way to me too! But what I know is that this adventure, this journey is calling me to a deeper trust in my Jesus. A deeper faith that only through Him will this all be accomplished. Already I have seen his favor and grace. His gracious hand was certainly there when a doctors office stayed open and scheduled our physicals through their lunch break on Friday. Surely His grace and favor was there when we received many documents in half the time they were promised. I have seen His hand in so many things and I trust that I will continually see it!
I invite you, step out in faith and RISK your own comfort and security in following Jesus. I know that words like Faith, Risk and Trust sound great when they are spoken from the pulpit while we sit in the comfort of our pews but put into action they sound a little scarier. I can promise you that He is big enough. His power extends further than you can dream. And His will for you is greater than you can imagine!
Let me leave you with this. I pray you take this meditate upon it and start exercising the power he has placed in your life. Walk by faith and RISK! In Ephesians 1:19, 20 Paul writes;
As part of our home study Scott and I are required to read 6 books a piece about adoption. These range from how to connect to your adopted child to what it feels like to be adopted. But Scott during his amazon.com raid found a book that journey's the adoption story of a couple who find themselves infertile and seeking to adopt from Ethiopia. After flying to Africa and meeting their beautiful son, Silas, they visit the orphanage he had been housed in and this is what she writes in her book after meeting the children still waiting for homes,
"Suddenly I could see Silas in these children's faces. I could glimpse something of Silas's future in their eyes. I could see Silas at 10 years old, with holes in his jeans and lice in his hair. I could see him at 18 years old, with no education, no marketable skills, and no job prospects. I could see Silas at 22, phased out of the orphanage system, living on the streets, scrambling to survive, reduced to animal like existence. Through such glimpses, I felt more fully the gravity of our decision to adopt Silas. I also felt sobered by the tragic consequences when we do not "defend the orphan" and do not take care of the "least of these.""
Would you do me a favor and place your child's face there. Would you please look at your daughter and son and picture them stuck in an orphanage with no one to hold, rock or love them? Scrounging for food and attention? Please look at your child and picture them learning to never utter a word because they know no one will answer when they call out or offer help. These are real children.
When I think of Lily or Anna laying in a bed at night scared and cold and hungry my heart breaks over the innocent children who suffer daily while we live our pampered, indulgent, bubble mentality lives. I know that when I think of this I am humbled to remember that God gave me everything I have, that he has blessed my life in abundance so that HIS glory may be made known in my life. Not that I might buy my kids the newest iPod or redecorate my 3000 sq ft home. But that I would use the blessings he has given me to show others his love. That through me and Scott and our girls, others would see Him!!!
I realize that to many what we are attempting seems crazy. Sometimes it seems that way to me too! But what I know is that this adventure, this journey is calling me to a deeper trust in my Jesus. A deeper faith that only through Him will this all be accomplished. Already I have seen his favor and grace. His gracious hand was certainly there when a doctors office stayed open and scheduled our physicals through their lunch break on Friday. Surely His grace and favor was there when we received many documents in half the time they were promised. I have seen His hand in so many things and I trust that I will continually see it!
I invite you, step out in faith and RISK your own comfort and security in following Jesus. I know that words like Faith, Risk and Trust sound great when they are spoken from the pulpit while we sit in the comfort of our pews but put into action they sound a little scarier. I can promise you that He is big enough. His power extends further than you can dream. And His will for you is greater than you can imagine!
Let me leave you with this. I pray you take this meditate upon it and start exercising the power he has placed in your life. Walk by faith and RISK! In Ephesians 1:19, 20 Paul writes;
"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power 20 that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms."
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
De-Program
It is official....I am a pessimist! Oh how I wish it wasn't true! Oh how I wish it was natural for me to see the glass half full, but it always looks half empty to me. And being married, raising a family and just dealing with life, negativity only adds to the already difficult circumstances most people find themselves in.
So it is time to de-program! Time to start seeing the glass half full! Time to stop thinking about what my husband didn't do and remember all that he does do and continues to do. Time to stop becoming frustrated with Lily when she hasn't grasped a teachable moment and remember all the free hugs and kisses she gives me without being asked. Time to stop reacting to others negativity with my own.
If you cannot understand where this is coming from, well on Sunday my pastor spoke about HOPE! Doesn't that word just inspire....well HOPE! That there is greater, better things that are possible. And during the sermon I was reminded that my hope was born in a manger over 2000 years ago. Yes I realize it is Christmas and He is the reason for the season. But this isn't a Christmas message for me. This is a daily message that my hope isn't in what others think or say about me. My hope isn't in what my husband can do for me, or how my kids make me look when they act well in public. My hope isn't even in how I view myself now or in the future. My hope is in a man who died on a cross for me, who daily bestows grace on me so that His glory may be known!
I know probably some people are reading this and thinking wow Nikki...novel thought...NOT! This is something most have been taught since grade school and I have heard it many times before but a refresher was what I needed during not only the holidays but during the chaotic process of adoption.
Stay tuned later today or tomorrow will update you on the faithfulness of God and how He continually makes a way for us!
So it is time to de-program! Time to start seeing the glass half full! Time to stop thinking about what my husband didn't do and remember all that he does do and continues to do. Time to stop becoming frustrated with Lily when she hasn't grasped a teachable moment and remember all the free hugs and kisses she gives me without being asked. Time to stop reacting to others negativity with my own.
If you cannot understand where this is coming from, well on Sunday my pastor spoke about HOPE! Doesn't that word just inspire....well HOPE! That there is greater, better things that are possible. And during the sermon I was reminded that my hope was born in a manger over 2000 years ago. Yes I realize it is Christmas and He is the reason for the season. But this isn't a Christmas message for me. This is a daily message that my hope isn't in what others think or say about me. My hope isn't in what my husband can do for me, or how my kids make me look when they act well in public. My hope isn't even in how I view myself now or in the future. My hope is in a man who died on a cross for me, who daily bestows grace on me so that His glory may be known!
I know probably some people are reading this and thinking wow Nikki...novel thought...NOT! This is something most have been taught since grade school and I have heard it many times before but a refresher was what I needed during not only the holidays but during the chaotic process of adoption.
Stay tuned later today or tomorrow will update you on the faithfulness of God and how He continually makes a way for us!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Ready, Set....GO!!
It is official the paper chase has begun! Yesterday we got our dossier call from Emily, our Family Coordinator, with America World and also Adela, our social worker who is helping us create our home study. Both of these wonderful ladies sent us emails with, count them 31 attachments all together! YEAH 31!! Some large and some small...all daunting and overwhelming. But all filled with excitement because this is one step closer to bringing home baby boy.
So now we start calling, emailing and running to local offices to get things like ~
So now we start calling, emailing and running to local offices to get things like ~
Fire Safety Test appointment
Health Inspection appointment
Physicals
Copies of health insurance, life insurance and any birth or marriage certificate for our family
Asking our dear friends for references
These are just a few in an enormous line up of things we have to find or get. Add to that 6 books a piece we are each required to read and 8 hours of classes on adoption and you have two very overwhelmed parents. And in case you missed it, it is almost Christmas and I have two precious babies at home who take up plenty of my time as well! But we continue and press on knowing that the final present is worth doing this a million times.
Of course with all of this paperwork comes more payments with money we don't have. And so the fundraising begins much harder now as the numbers are growing and the next couple payments are larger than before. But we are confident that God will provide. Even during the holidays when every one's money has gone towards presents and decorations, we are believing that there are those who support the calling God has placed on us. And I am daily amazed at God's provision. Already we have had two families donate towards bringing our baby boy home and by doing this and believing in the vision and calling God has placed in our lives they join us in saving a life. Not only do they join us in saving a life but reaffirm to us that we are surrounded by incredible people who love us!!!
Please continue to be in prayer for our family as we run all over chasing papers needed to bring our baby boy home. Also please pray that the money we need to continue this process would be provided in God's timing. We thank you all so much for your prayers, support, encouragement and outpouring of love during this time. We are blessed beyond measure to have you all in our lives!
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