Year End Chaos

Well, the holiday's are coming to a close and with the ending of the chaos comes a time to re-focus, re-group and re-assess all of the things we have done this year. To continue to strive towards the goals and dreams we have declared for ourselves. Of course as many of you know one of those dreams is to adopt from Ethiopia and while we have started the process, the holidays put a bit of a kink in our progress.  The hustle, bustle and busyness of the season saw me more focused on tons of other things and continually pulled my focus from the actual business at hand.

So, today is the day I officially get back on track. Let me update you as I refresh my own memory. We are so close to finishing the paper trail for both our dossier and our home study (which is really great!). Once these two things are finished we start our waiting game as our family and our new son are matched. The next box to be checked on my never ending list is to make sure we have all of our home study stuff done and send it off  to Dallas where our social worker is located. As I understand it she organizes it and runs our extensive background checks. Once this all comes back normal we will schedule some interviews and that will conclude this portion of the home study. Once our home study is complete we will be able to start the process of applying for adoption grants.

Again I want to say thank you!!! Thank you for your encouragement, your love and support! Even when you think it has gone unnoticed it hasn't! This journey reminds us daily how loved and blessed we are. How so many people have stood by us and are cheering us on. Each of you are so precious to us and an important piece of our little boys story!! We love you!

Stretching

1 Peter 2

   ¹ So get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. ² Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, ³ now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness.

The passage goes on to talk about those who reject God and says...

  

   8They stumble because they do not obey God’s word, and so they meet the fate that was planned for them.

   ⁹ But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests,^[f] a holy nation, God’s very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.

 ¹⁰ “Once you had no identity as a people;
      now you are God’s people.
   Once you received no mercy;
      now you have received God’s mercy.”^[g]

¹¹ Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. ¹² Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.^[h]

^{Can I ask a question? How are we as a 'chosen people' separating ourselves from the world?  How is my life, my words, my actions showing others the goodness of God?} 

^{The past couple of weeks have been a time of stretching for me. God has been opening my eyes to more pain and hurt than I have ever experienced. It has been rough to say the least and some days I haven't handled it properly. I have seen brother speak against brother, friend taunt friend and believer despise the unbeliever. And during this time of revelation I have become discouraged and disheartened, but I press on knowing that he who has started a good work in me is faithful to finish it.} 

^{That being said during this stretching time I have been more aware of how flippantly we take our roles as the children of God!! I find most days that my actions don't usually have the right motives behind them. My words carry hurt, bitterness, anger and a host of other things that definitely don't separate me from the world. And the choices I make, even on a daily basis grieve the heart of God. I cannot count how often I am sure I do.}   

^{But as God molds and shapes me and matures me in my faith I have realized how little time I have left. How limited and fleeting my life is and how the desire of my heart is to show the glory of God in my life. How words, actions and choices not only affect myself but those around me. How my words, actions and choices point either towards or away from God.} 

^{In Phillipians 3 Paul writes about claiming Christ's righteousness as his own. He writes about how this righteousness is only attained through faith in Jesus Christ and how he too wants to experience the power, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. He goes on to say this...}

¹² I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. ¹³ No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,^[d] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴ I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.

He then goes on to tell us of those who live only for this earth...
 18For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. ¹⁹ They are headed for destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and they think only about this life here on earth.

I pray during the duration of my life that I think of things eternal. I pray my actions, words and choices reflect that of my eternal goal and not things of this world! 

Who is standing with you?

Well let me start by saying that Sunday, December 19th, my sweet baby girl turned 1!!!! Yes she is no longer classified as a baby but is now a toddler. So Happy Birthday Sweet Anna Claire!

And one more of both my girls before the birthday bash!!

And along with turning one are some transitions. Some we love and some we wish didn't have to happen. One of these transitions is taking away formula and in turn the bottle. This transition with Lily, although a little different, was awful and I have tried this time to make it easier on not only Anna but Scott and myself. We have been cutting out bottles slowly the last couple weeks and Anna has taken the sippy cup great. (Not a great fan of milk though!) But the last two nights we have cut out the dreaded night night bottle. I know that many mothers can attest...this is the hardest one. And just like everything Anna does, last night was a breeze!! She did great! But tonight we had a bit of a hiccup. I was putting her to sleep and it was rough. Lots of crying, screaming and rolling around. (Let's be honest....some of this was me!!!!) And after I had exhausted all the options in my catalogue of mommy tricks, Scott came in with her sippy filled with milk. She took it gratefully and then calmed down and fell asleep in Scott's arms.

As Scott stood there rocking her I said to him that I hadn't even thought of that and he made this statement. "It's easier to see the solution when you aren't in the middle of it." Which of course struck me and caused a new train of thought. A new dialogue with God.

I started to ask myself...Who is standing with you? Who is watching and walking through life with you? Who is helping you find the solution when you are "in the middle of it"? The bible says, "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense." Proverbs 27:9

I have been blessed with not only my husband, who offers incredible encouragement, wisdom and counsel in many situations, but also with some great female friends. These women all fill different roles in my life. One of these women is an incredible intercessor and although we don't talk often I know that she lifts me, Scott and our girls up every day!! Another friend I have is a phenomenal encourager. She stands beside me with words of life and holds me up when the days feels long and never ending. Another friend is a person of joy and laughter and she is always there to make me see how full of laughter and delight our life is. And might I add none of these women live close to me.

But when I find myself losing hope, suffering with doubt or caught in an awful situation (sometimes of my own making) each of them offers a piece of wisdom I could not see, because I was in the middle of it!  I thank God daily for these women and count myself privileged to walk with them. Not only are they great friends but they are my sisters in Christ, and as they pour what God has taught them into me, I find a richness in my life I didn't have before. These women are truly living out Colossians 3:16 "Let the message of Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives."

So I want to ask you...Who is standing with you? Who is encouraging and lifting you up? Who is walking with you as you stumble and fall?  Sharing not only in your failures but your triumphs!!! I encourage you to grasp the hands of those around you. Allow them to see you as you truly are and watch how the body of Christ comes together!

Losing hope

Can I confess something? I'm embarrassed to admit it but I'm stuck in a place of losing hope. The past couple of weeks we have been steadily collecting information, getting documents approved by our agency for our dossier...honestly things are cruising right along. But I've found myself in a state of sadness. A place where I am sad and losing hope. I'm not sure if it is the holidays and I'm not in california with my family, or I miss my grandma and this is my first christmas without her. I'm not sure if I am just allowing myself to fall into this state of melancholy or if I am struggling with my faith during this adoption....I just don't know. But here I am feeling no motivation for really anything and knowing how wrong it is.

The common saying is that adoption is not for the faint of heart and it isn't hard to understand. It is a state of ups and downs. Filled with awesome moments of awe in the power of God followed by bottomless pits of gut wrenching faith as you are powerless to control anything. The latter is where I find myself. Here we are working daily to gather information and return it to our social worker...but unless we have a large sum of money quickly we can't turn anything in. And while I know how powerful my God is and I know He can provide for me, even when I don't see it, here I find myself...losing hope that this is going to work out.

Can I ask a favor? Would you please be in prayer for me? Not that God would provide the money...but that my faith would grow stronger, that my knowledge of who God is would be bigger in my life and that through this process I would see the hand of God in my family, friends and supporters!

Thanks for walking with us, supporting us and loving us! We cannot tell you how important and meaningful it is to have you all in our lives!

Haunting Challenge

 This was a video I came across and it was rather haunting. Haunting because I find myself scurrying after the hottest gift, hoping everyone is pleased with the gifts I picked out for them and then exhausted and left feeling empty after it is all said and done. Haunting because what it challenges me to do - I am not doing! Take a look and at the moment you think this has nothing to do with me or it makes you really uncomfortable...KEEP WATCHING!! 

                             

Faith is spelled R-I-S-K

This week we have continued the paper chase process. Making phone calls and setting up appointments. Gathering original documents, chasing down notary's and ordering books. And during all of this I find myself getting caught up in my to-do list. Caught up in the next thing that needs to be ticked off the never ending list of papers. And while all of this is necessary and totally worth it I can get distracted from what God has called me to. What God has placed so deep into my heart. A burden and a calling to be a voice for those who don't have one. For those who, by no choice of their own, find themselves in circumstances that could lead to violence, abuse and even death.

As part of our home study Scott and I are required to read 6 books a piece about adoption. These range from how to connect to your adopted child to what it feels like to be adopted. But Scott during his amazon.com raid found a book that journey's the adoption story of a couple who find themselves infertile and seeking to adopt from Ethiopia. After flying to Africa and meeting their beautiful son, Silas, they visit the orphanage he had been housed in and this is what she writes in her book after meeting the children still waiting for homes,

"Suddenly I could see Silas in these children's faces. I could glimpse something of Silas's future in their eyes. I could see Silas at 10 years old, with holes in his jeans and lice in his hair. I could see him at 18 years old, with no education, no marketable skills, and no job prospects. I could see Silas at 22, phased out of the orphanage system, living on the streets, scrambling to survive, reduced to animal like existence. Through such glimpses, I felt more fully the gravity of our decision to adopt Silas. I also felt sobered by the tragic consequences when we do not "defend the orphan" and do not take care of the "least of these.""

Would you do me a favor and place your child's face there. Would you please look at your daughter and son and picture them stuck in an orphanage with no one to hold, rock or love them? Scrounging for food and attention?  Please look at your child and picture them learning to never utter a word because they know no one will answer when they call out or offer help. These are real children.


When I think of Lily or Anna laying in a bed at night scared and cold and hungry my heart breaks over the innocent children who suffer daily while we live our pampered, indulgent, bubble mentality lives. I know that when I think of this I am humbled to remember that God gave me everything I have, that he has blessed my life in abundance so that HIS glory may be made known in my life. Not that I might buy my kids the newest iPod or redecorate my 3000 sq ft home. But that I would use the blessings he has given me to show others his love. That through me and Scott and our girls, others would see Him!!!

I realize that to many what we are attempting seems crazy. Sometimes it seems that way to me too! But what I know is that this adventure, this journey is calling me to a deeper trust in my Jesus. A deeper faith that only through Him will this all be accomplished. Already I have seen his favor and grace. His gracious hand was certainly there when a doctors office stayed open and scheduled our physicals through their lunch break on Friday. Surely His grace and favor was there when we received many documents in half the time they were promised. I have seen His hand in so many things and I trust that I will continually see it!

I invite you, step out in faith and RISK your own comfort and security in following Jesus. I know that words like Faith, Risk and Trust sound great when they are spoken from the pulpit while we sit in the comfort of our pews but put into action they sound a little scarier. I can promise you that He is big enough. His power extends further than you can dream. And His will for you is greater than you can imagine!

Let me leave you with this. I pray you take this meditate upon it and start exercising the power he has placed in your life. Walk by faith and RISK! In Ephesians 1:19, 20 Paul writes;

 "I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power ²⁰ that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms."

De-Program

It is official....I am a pessimist! Oh how I wish it wasn't true! Oh how I wish it was natural for me to see the glass half full, but it always looks half empty to me. And being married, raising a family and just dealing with life, negativity only adds to the already difficult circumstances most people find themselves in.

So it is time to de-program! Time to start seeing the glass half full! Time to stop thinking about what my husband didn't do and remember all that he does do and continues to do. Time to stop becoming frustrated with Lily when she hasn't grasped a teachable moment and remember all the free hugs and kisses she gives me without being asked. Time to stop reacting to others negativity with my own.

If you cannot understand where this is coming from, well on Sunday my pastor spoke about HOPE! Doesn't that word just inspire....well HOPE! That there is greater, better things that are possible. And during the sermon I was reminded that my hope was born in a manger over 2000 years ago. Yes I realize it is Christmas and He is the reason for the season. But this isn't a Christmas message for me. This is a daily message that my hope isn't in what others think or say about me. My hope isn't in what my husband can do for me, or how my kids make me look when they act well in public. My hope isn't even in how I view myself now or in the future. My hope is in a man who died on a cross for me, who daily bestows grace on me so that His glory may be known!

I know probably some people are reading this and thinking wow Nikki...novel thought...NOT! This is something most have been taught since grade school and I have heard it many times before but a refresher was what I needed during not only the holidays but during the chaotic process of adoption.

Stay tuned later today or tomorrow will update you on the faithfulness of God and how He continually makes a way for us!

Ready, Set....GO!!

It is official the paper chase has begun! Yesterday we got our dossier call from Emily, our Family Coordinator, with America World and also Adela, our social worker who is helping us create our home study. Both of these wonderful ladies sent us emails with, count them 31 attachments all together! YEAH 31!! Some large and some small...all daunting and overwhelming. But all filled with excitement because this is one step closer to bringing home baby boy.

So now we start calling, emailing and running to local offices to get things like ~

Fire Safety Test appointment

Health Inspection appointment

Physicals

Copies of health insurance, life insurance and any birth or marriage certificate for our family

Asking our dear friends for references 

These are just a few in an enormous line up of things we have to find or get. Add to that 6 books a piece we are each required to read and 8 hours of classes on adoption and you have two very overwhelmed parents. And in case you missed it, it is almost Christmas and I have two precious babies at home who take up plenty of my time as well! But we continue and press on knowing that the final present is worth doing this a million times. 

Of course with all of this paperwork comes more payments with money we don't have. And so the fundraising begins much harder now as the numbers are growing and the next couple payments are larger than before. But we are confident that God will provide. Even during the holidays when every one's money has gone towards presents and decorations, we are believing that there are those who support the calling God has placed on us. And I am daily amazed at God's provision. Already we have had two families donate towards bringing our baby boy home and by doing this and believing in the vision and calling God has placed in our lives they join us in saving a life. Not only do they join us in saving a life but reaffirm to us that we are surrounded by incredible people who love us!!!

Please continue to be in prayer for our family as we run all over chasing papers needed to bring our baby boy home. Also please pray that the money we need to continue this process would be provided in God's timing. We thank you all so much for your prayers, support, encouragement and outpouring of love during this time. We are blessed beyond measure to have you all in our lives!

Preview - Christmas pics!!!

Just wanted to give you a quick preview of our girls Christmas Pictures - click HERE to check out our photographer...she ROCKS!

Beauty

This thanksgiving I have to admit I haven't been in the 'holiday' mood. Actually I have been pretty awful. Grumbling about this and that. Upset over things that are completely out of my control and hating that they are indeed out of my control. But today after being up all night shopping with all of the other crazies I had a moment where I was so thankful.

As a parent of young children the majority of our time is spent disciplining and trying to shape how they act and react to numerous situations and circumstances. And as a parent of a very strong willed child you spend more time than you want scolding, punishing and redirecting energy towards good things. This is so true in the case of my oldest daughter Lily Paige. Lily will be 3 the beginning of January and to put it mildly she wants you to know she is in charge and that her behavior coined the phrase 'terrible two's'!

Some nights I crawl into bed feeling defeated and discouraged because the majority of the day was rough, to say the least. And some nights I felt good about some obstacles we overcame that day. But this morning after being out all night and then being up the remainder of the night with the girls I had a moment of such beauty. Lily actually got up in a really great mood after only a couple hours of sleep and since we had all stayed at Scott's parents house (so my Mother-in-law could watch the girls while we shopped!) Lily was super excited to see Granny first thing in the morning.

She immediately went to helping Granny. Cleaning, cooking, anything Granny told her to do she was on it. The funny thing about Lily is she loves to clean. Most days she asks for wipes and scrubs down just about anything in sight for hours at a time. (Yes! I know, most mothers are envious right now!!) But instead of pitching a fit when things didn't go her way or pouting because someone wasn't paying her attention she was perfectly happy to help. She would frequently run over and offer me and Anna kisses and then head back to help her Granny. She was in her element and it was truly beautiful to watch her excel and enjoy something so easily.

The interesting thing about Lily Paige is her name means 'Beautiful Servant'! Scott and I always name our children and love to research the meaning of the name. In the Bible when God named someone it always had a meaning. Usually the person didn't always live up to the meaning, but God in all His genius named them this because He could see what they would become. What their potential was. When He named Peter and Christ called him the rock He would build His church upon, most probably scoffed at this. Peter was brash and quick to anger, he denied Christ 3 times and yet God foresaw all that Peter would be through Him. He would become the rock that the New Testament church was built upon.

Now when I look at Lily I try to remember this - That while her name means 'Beautiful Servant' and she may not live up to that now, in the future I know her giftings and talents will lead her to become just that...a beautiful servant. Praying even now that she is willing and able to be used of God in such a way to serve the masses. And while she is little and still learning and asserting her independence I see glimpses of that beautiful servant. Serving her Granny this morning and helping her any way she can.  Knowing that she loves to help and serve mommy at home when things are crazy and we are on the hunt...AGAIN, for Anna's pacifier! She truly does shine when she is living out the meaning of her name.

As for my sweet Anna Claire (no I didn't forget about my other baby) although the jury is still out and we see more and more of her personality emerge, we do see her live up to her meaning as well. Anna Claire means 'Clear Grace' and if you have spent any time around her she is a true picture of that. She is a baby who is happy and content in any situation and loves anyone and anything she comes in contact with. Praying that as she continues to grow and learn that she truly does show people the grace of a loving and just God.

As I head to bed tonight I pray you might look at your name. Find out what the meaning is. If you think there are spots on your past or people who have scoffed at the dreams and passions God has given you, remember God in all His wisdom chose that name for you because He knew what you would become. He knew where you were headed and He too sees the beauty shine when you use your gifts and talents for His glory!

Love y'all!

P.S. Sorry if your name means something less than appealing. Nikki means Victory of the people, so I'm right there with you!!!

Knitting

I am up late and all is quiet and everyone is asleep in the Windham house tonight. Everyone but me! My spirit is burdened tonight and my thoughts are all over the place. I have tried all the old, put yourself to sleep staples and none of them have worked. (Note to self: Dr. Pepper at 10:30pm probably wasn't the best idea!) Now almost 3 hours later I have decided I am supposed to be awake and embracing this instead of fighting it.

Scott and I had dinner tonight with a really amazing couple. They are newly engaged and you only have to look at them to see very much in love. It's that touchy, soft glances type of new love. I remember that love and on occasion it does show itself, in between the poop and screaming children! No seriously, it made me ecstatic to see God create something again! A family. To look at these two and hear their story is truly a testament to how intricately God weaves our stories together. A beautiful picture of two strangers who have come together and through the wisdom and sovereignty of God their hearts are knit together forever.

Of course as I laid in bed tonight and prayed for my kids and my husband and well numerous other things I came back to the statement they kept saying, how God had knit their hearts together. And of course God used that to burden my heart more.

To those who have never adopted, cannot fathom adoption or just don't understand it -  I can relate on some level. It is a very foreign concept for me and I can see how it might give cause or concern to others. How can a man and a women who have never met a child or share no DNA or history, love them? I don't know. But this is what I know...I DO!

I can honestly say I love my baby in Ethiopia as much as I did my girls when I was pregnant with them. This child who is so a part of your life and so a part of the future of your family, yet still unknown to you. The bible says, (Psalm 139:13) "For you formed my inward parts, you knit me together in my mothers womb." While yes I experienced this portion with my girls and won't with him, I don't feel any different or cheated about my baby boy. Yes I will not be pregnant with him but already God is knitting him into my heart. Every night I pray for him just as I pray for my girls. Every night I pray that he would be a man of God who would be used to reach millions for Jesus Christ. And every night I pray for his safety, security, protection and a hundred other things.

Unlike my girls I don't know his circumstances nor am I there to hold, cuddle and rock away the crying at night. I won't be there when he has many firsts but this I know, he is my baby. Before time began God set him aside to be a Windham. For his parents to be Scott and Nikki of Odessa, TX. Just like that newly engaged couple whom God has been purifying and molding to bring together at this time, God has prepared, molding and purified us for this time and this child. And I know that 5 years ago I would not have been able to walk through the ignorant words, lack of support and understanding we have received. But the Holy Spirit makes it possible each day to wake up and fight. Fight for the life of an innocent child born into a sinful fallen world. Because the Holy Spirit has knit my heart to a smaller one in a continent far away.

I hope you will take the ramblings of an exhausted half awake mom as they are. Broken, burdened and always watchful to fight for my babies. Keep praying for us as we send our paperwork and first deposit in Monday. We will keep you updated.

HE DID IT! Jehovah-Jireh

Jehovah-Jireh ~ "The Lord will provide"


As I said in a previous blog our initial application was approved and we were waiting to make our first deposit of $1350 so that we could continue to the next step...the home study.  The home study is a 4-6 month process where your agency collects any and all information about both adoptive parents. And when I say everything I mean, birth certificates, marriage license, criminal records from every county you have each lived in since 18. You have to be FBI fingerprinted, given international physicals and I am just touching the tip of the home study iceberg!! So the longer it takes us to get the $1350 to our agency the longer we wait to start the home study. 


Well, of course Scott and I were unsure as to where we were going to get an extra $1350.00 from our already strapped budget and would you believe we received a phone call from our CPA in TN and he noticed a mistake in our 2008 taxes. After he finished the amendment form to be submitted, the government owed us a little bit of money! Can you guess how much? $1364.00!!!!!!!  $14  over what our initial deposit is! Scott and I were ecstatic to say the least and once again God had provided in a way we could have never dreamed of. 


The very small fly in our ointment was the money still wasn't going to get to us for quite some time which still put us some time out. But on thursday I decided to check the IRS website and see if they had updated our info and guess what? They had! And the money was being direct deposited into our account friday morning. So now we are finishing our paperwork and writing a check to send off to our agency so that we can start the home study! Weeks or possibly months faster then we anticipated. 


Can I tell you that countless times Scott and I have read blog after blog and article after article that says even when you are fearful, fearful of what adoption will cost, with your money, your time or your comfort, step out in that fear. Knowing that in your fear God will be made known. His power, His provision, His sovereignty! Knowing that in your fear God's grace will be made known in the life of a child.  


Journey with us as we watch God continue to perform miracles in our lives and in our family!

Top 10 Things...

Top 10 Things you don't want to hear from your Youth Pastor!!

10. The kids were wondering if there were any commandments against crowd surfing from the alter during the contemporary service.

9. This year's Spring Break missions trip is to Cancun, Mexico.

8. You never said not to use the baptistery for our hot-tub ministry.

7. If you struggle, the knots will just get tighter.

6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, two are in the police car... that's everyone!

5. I thought I had a firm hold on his ankles as we dangled him off the roof.

4. There has to be some cleaner that will get the paint-ball stains off the sanctuary walls.

3. (Said to a girl's parent after coming home from an overseas missions trip) "Say hello to your new son-in-law!"

2. Umm, well, Flaming Marshmallows of Death sounded like a fun game at the time.

1. I'm just doing this until I can become a REAL pastor.

Needed to laugh a little tonight!! Maybe you don't get it, well work, volunteer or serve in Youth Ministry and this becomes hilarious!!! 

This is dedicated to all those who serve faithfully in Crossroads High School Ministry!! You are the best volunteers and we love you!!!

This is also dedicated to all the students who have made these things possible! You know who you are and you frighten me!!! HAHAHA! 

"Our Houses are Bigger than Most Foreign Orphanages"

I totally stole this from a friends blog and think it is fabulous. This exert from an interview was one of the catalyst that lead us to make the final decision to adopt!

From a recent interview with Greg Lucas about his new book Wrestling with an Angel:

Adoption is very difficult. It is a long and often heart wrenching process. Depending on what type of adoption is pursued (domestic, foreign, special needs, etc.) you could wait upwards of four years and spend up to $40,000 on the adoption process. You could also wait a few months and spend as little as $2,000.00.

I’ll put this as simple as I can. Some types of adoption are not for everyone, but everyone can and should be involved in the adoption process.

According to UNICEF, there are somewhere between 143 and 200 million orphans worldwide. By some liberal statistics (and perhaps sprinkled with some divine irony) that’s about the same amount of people who identify themselves as “Christians” in the US.

I have a firm conviction that every member of a Christ-centered, gospel believing church should be involved in the adoption process. If you have room in your family, fill it with a child in need of a family. If you have money in the bank, but cannot physically adopt, support a family who can.

As American Christians we are incredibly wealthy. Our houses (even the smallest of them) are bigger than most foreign orphanages. We have the resources, we have the room, we have the gospel…all that’s missing are 200 million orphans!

I also believe that the greatest influence of the gospel is within the immediate family—Dad pastoring his family and both parents living the gospel in front of their kids. If this is true, then one of the greatest ministries of the church and one of the most effective settings for evangelism and discipleship should be the ministry of adoption.

At our local church, my pastor is setting the example for this. He and his wife have three amazing children. They don’t “long for” more kids, neither do they feel that there is something missing in their lives in their early 30’s. They simply saw a need that broke their hearts, found some room, scraped up some money and now they are on a waiting list for a child in Ethiopia. Talk about Great Commission obedience!

With this in mind, take some time to walk through your enormous house and ask God what he would have you do with your part of the 200 million orphans worldwide, most of whom may never hear the gospel, much less have it lived out in a loving family of their own.

For a Mama's Eyes Only

Tonight Scott and I had a date night!! Always a treat and always nice to sit in a dark movie theater, hold my honey's hand and slip into an alternate world without worries and cares. Well, we chose to see Secretariat because everyone had been raving about it and I can say whole heartedly it was a really great movie! As it started I was totally engrossed in the story of a housewife who decided to stand up for something she believed in. As it continued I felt such a kinship with the character. Not because she was raising horses, (I don't know anything about horses) or because she lived in Denver, (I've never even been there) no, I felt such a draw towards this character because she struggled and sacrificed for something she truly believed in. She had faith in something bigger than herself when others continually beat her down.

But, as she fights for the horse she so deeply believes in, she sacrifices time with her husband, her kids and misses out on vital parts of there lives. I can totally relate to the inner struggle I so often have between the two callings God has placed in my life. So often in my passion for the things of God I feel this tug. The pull to be with my husband and children while at the same time the pull to bring hope to the lost, to be a part of something bigger than my living room. I don't say this lightly. I know that the time I have with my children is priceless and will flash before my eyes and I cherish every new and exciting moment I have with them. But my heart aches to have a larger impact for what I believe is the only hope left in our world. Jesus.

I don't have a happy answer for this struggle. I still have not figured out how to balance both or allow both to coexist, especially with small children. But for now I know my place is at home with my babies. While the world may look at a "stay at home mom" and see very little, I know that the things I teach my children can have a huge impact. I may be the mother of the next Kari Jobe, or female Billy Graham. A young woman of God who will impact millions for the kingdom of Jesus Christ. I also know that when my girls are out of the house I still have plenty of time to take that hope to the masses. To be the hands and feet of Jesus. But regardless of where I may be I want to be like this character in Secretariat. Whether I am at home or serving the homeless and orphaned. I want those around me to see a woman who believes with every fiber of her being in something bigger than herself. A woman who will sacrifice for this belief. A woman who will fight for this belief. A woman who runs the race God has set before her with endurance!

I titled this blog for Mama's eyes only because I know so many mothers who struggle with this same tug on their hearts. But regardless of where you find yourself or the choices you make about where God has you, be the type of woman who not only runs the race but runs it with integrity, honesty, passion and love! I love you all!


 

Approved!!

Today November 12, 2010 we got an exciting phone call. Our adoption agency called to inform us that our application had not only been approved but approved specifically for the Ethiopia program. YEAH!!!!! And so our journey continues. While speaking to the intake processor on the phone she told me an entire slew of information I knew I wouldn't remember and finished off by saying she had sent everything in an email and it was okay if I was a little overwhelmed.  I immediately called Scott and told him! He was just as thrilled as I was because this gets us one step closer to our baby. After reading the very thorough email with 8 attachments (some to just read and some to send back) I breathed a sigh of relief. Relief that one step, of I am sure 10,000, was done. 

Our next step is to return our agency agreement with a down payment for our program. After this is completed we will start our home study. But until our home study is completed we are unable to apply for any grants that can aid us with the cost. Currently an international adoption from Ethiopia can cost anywhere from $30,000-$45,000. Which leads me to a cry for help. Although we realize that we will have to put our own funds towards this adoption we are trusting God that He will provide for the bulk of our costs through our community, church, friends and family. By this I mean fundraising. After much research we have found that fundraising is a huge success when it comes to covering adoption fees. We have seen everything from t-shirt sales (which not only raise money but allow an opportunity to educate others about the orphan crisis), jewelry sales with an adoption theme. We have seen others raffle off donated services, like a photography session or a condo in Hawaii! Everything and anything works. So if you have any ideas or would like to help please let us know. We would love it if you can help us bring our baby boy home. 

To those who are confused about us asking for help, let me say this, James 1:27 clearly says,

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you."   

Scott and I are called to adopt. The way we are called to live out this piece of scripture is by opening our hearts, home and family to one who would not otherwise have these things. Simple as that. But we also know that not everyone is called to adopt. However we do believe that each of us has a responsibility when it comes to orphans. Your calling may be to give us words of encouragement when we need them. Maybe you are able to give financially and help us cover some of the costs. Ultimately the greatest thing you can do for us during this journey is join us in prayer. We covet your prayers more than you know and love each and everyone of you as you walk with us and help in anyway you can to bring our baby home to us. 

We anticipate everything God is going to accomplish through each of you and believe that the story He is writing about our baby boy will show God's grace, mercy, providence and love in a miraculous way!!!

Making it Count

Here recently I have realized how quickly my babies are growing up! By no means am I saying they are on their way out of the house but both girls are daily reaching and passing milestones that are so important to their development and childhood. As I notice time flying by our family, I also notice how often I allow incredible opportunities to become moments of waste. Moments where I can influence and teach my girls the things I believe have value in this life. So we are going to start making every moment count! Not making them count for recognition or for me to look like a mom who has it all together, I don't! But simply because I believe that if I can teach them even something small once a week that is based on a piece of scripture than we all win! God clearly says that His word will not return void!

And since we find ourselves in the season of Thanksgiving I think it only right to start teaching Lily (and even Anna...she may be small but I promise she is taking it all in) about praising God for all He has given us. Our verse this week is Psalm 95:2 "Let us come to him with thanksgiving. Let us sing psalms of praise to him." So we made a Thankful Tree today! (please steal this idea if it seems appealing...I stole it from another mother!) And it worked out better than I anticipated. The idea behind this concept is you create a family tree with craft paper and paint and then every day in the month of November we attach a leaf for each child that says something we are thankful for. Today I let Lily do 4 leaves because she was so excited! The things she wanted to Thank Jesus for were, Mernie (this is Ariel the Little Mermaid), our House, the tree we just made and her Daddy!

This is our completed tree!

Lily's crazy turkey hand.

Precious Anna's little turkey!

And here is our tree with 4 construction paper leaves!

So, this is our November project! Already have my ideas for the month of December and cannot wait to see all my sweet girls soak up!

November - Lets start off right!

It has been one of those days. A day where most decisions I made were a fail or flop. A day where Lily is getting into everything she isn't supposed to and then screaming and tantrum throwing while she sits in time out. A day where I have fallen into a weepy mess more than stayed in a sane frame of mind.

That being said instead of crying some more and throwing myself a pity party because Scott is half way across the world I am going to start off the month of November with my top 10 things I am thankful for. A 'Count your Blessings' list!

1. Jesus (I am not going to write all of His incredible attributes and the reasons I am thankful for Him because I think His name holds all I need right now)

2. My husband - who at this moment is sacrificing his safety to bring the hope of Jesus Christ to the Bhojpuri people in India

3. Lily - who keeps me aware of how exciting and vibrant the world is as I watch her experience everything new and interesting

4. Anna - who shows me joy and peace every day

5. My family

6. My health

7. My home

8. My job

9. My friends

10. My freedom

Of course this list could go on and on but its a good start. Be blessed blogsphere!!

Glass Churches, Glass Houses

Let me start this blog by saying a small part of survival in ministry means not allowing the comments of others to get to you. You can never please everyone, someone will always complain! And so I find one of my biggest faults and flaws! I am the type of person who wears my heart on my sleeve. Because of circumstances from my past I am great at covering this up and looking very confident and full of pride when in fact I get my feelings hurt very easily and can carry a hurt or burden for far too long. In other words....I am soft! In ministry this is a very bad thing! And most recently I have found myself in a funk! (great choice of words I know!) But in all truth I find that I am carrying a sadness of spirit with me recently. Over the last 3 or so weeks I have felt like peoples comments, actions, and opinions have left me feeling beat up! Left me feeling such sadness over the current state of the church! And I don't say church and mean Crossroads or Mid-Cities or First Baptist, I say Church and I mean The Body of Christ!! Since when is it okay and acceptable to condemn or pass judgement on another church simply because you don't care for their worship or preaching or children's program? Since when do we look at another church and find all of it's flaws instead of looking at the incredible things God is doing in the lives of people! Isn't that what it is ultimately about? People! Loving people, serving people, people's lives being radically changed for HIS glory?

We are all one body! You may attend a baptist church or be a member at a charismatic church, perhaps you are currently seeking a church home. Wherever you are at this moment if you are a believer than you belong to the family of Jesus Christ. That being said let me share with you a statement we use in our family. Many years ago Scott came home from work and had had a pretty rough day and as he came in I went straight to complaining and whining at him. (I know plenty of you are thinking this can't be possible...Nikki is so sweet! HAHA!!) But before I could do too much damage he looked at me and simply said, "Nikki when I walk out these doors every morning the world constantly beats me up and berates me. Our house should be a place of safety and encouragement. Not another place where I get beaten up." Needless to say this has stayed with us for many years now and I wish that we all would adopt this attitude. It is not to say I am perfect and maintain this idea 24/7. On the contrary I have to be reminded daily as my flesh cries out to control everything! No, all I mean to say is if you are my sister, my brother in Christ let me lift you up, let me encourage and edify you so that you can be at your best serving alongside me in the Kingdom. Judging, tearing down and berating one another because I don't care for your choice in music or may not agree with the current decision you have made does nothing but create division and hurt. As Christians the world is looking at us and waiting for us to fall flat on our faces. They are waiting to beat us up and tear us down. But as a family and as a church it should be a place of safety and encouragement. A recognition that like you I am flawed, I am screwed up and fallen. I make mistakes and sometimes you may not see me at my best, but for better or worse we are in this together. We are a chosen people who are called to go to the ends of the earth with the news of salvation and hope. So instead of looking for the flaws and imperfections let us grab ahold of each other and run the race He has set for us. Let us finish with integrity and hope and joy and love. Let me leave you with this statement. The Bible says "Gentle words are a tree of life;a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15:4 I want to be that tree of life. I want to build up and not tear down!

Over Analyzing!

As we continue the process of adoption of course I turn to the web searching I so love. Anything and everything I can consume with my eyes to better educate myself and hopefully find someone with more insight than I currently have. That being said, much like when I'm pregnant and go on WebMD every day and self diagnose I find myself over analyzing everything about adoption. To the point of distraction and more interference than help. During this process I think you find there are more things or factors to consider than most people think. For instance, if we adopt a child who is culturally and racially different than ourselves what does that mean and what does it look like. in our family, our community, our church? What type of transition can I expect not only for Scott, myself and our new baby boy but what about my girls? How can we afford this? Adoption although not super expensive is no where near cheap! But as Scott and I continue to discuss and analyze and ultimately pray we have come to some incredible conclusions! 1st - we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has called us to do this! 2nd - Since we know and believe it is His will we know he will provide for everything and also direct our steps. 3rd - While we realize that there may be moments that are difficult and may be uncertain territory for us we know that as believers God calls us to do things that place us out of our comfort zone and are not always easy, but in the end we want to be found obedient to what He has called us to! We continue to be super excited about this adventure and are overjoyed and surprised to find so many other families who have or are in the process of adopting from all over the world. I believe that our generation has seen a need and God has called us to stop being complacent to the ever increasing need of the fatherless in our world. We feel blessed, humbled and privileged to show a beautiful picture of the gospel.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” Romans 8:15

Thanks for reading and for supporting us during this time. We will keep you updated as things continue to progress!

We're Pregnant! (KIND OF)

OK! Not really but it sure feels like it! Allow me to explain. In january of this next year Scott and I will have been married 7 years and together for 9. That being said as long as we have known each other we have known that adoption was somewhere on our timeline. Both of us have felt lead to open our home, our hearts, our lives and anything else we might give to a child/children who are without any of these things. And after God has blessed our lives with our two girls we feel as though His leading is now towards adoption.

I titled this blog we're pregnant because the excitement and anticipation of what God has in store for us and our children (known and unknown to us) feels very much like when you are expecting. Of course with the excitement and anticipation come the stress and worry over all the things we know we cannot control and the realization that our abilities as parents are limited because we are flawed and full of sin. That being said I wait with excitement to see all God is going to teach me and Scott and our girls through this process. Trusting that in the beginning of my babies lives when I was unable to be with them He was! Knowing that because God has placed this desire in our lives that when we are placed with a child/children that even distance and culture cannot fathom the love I already carry for them.

Although we are truly at the beginning of this process and are unsure of what timeline we are looking at we are confident that we are on the right path. I have not been this excited to live out scripture in a long time. James 1:27 "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." Please join Scott and I in prayer as we continue this journey! We are in the application phase right now but will keep you updated as we know more. Thanks and we love you all!!!

Selfishness

Hi! My name is Nikki and I've got a problem. I'm selfish! Rooted deep down in me I am an extraordinarily selfish being. I say this because not only am I selfish but I suffer great guilt in regards to this awful feeling of needing and wanting! Alright let me get back on track! My husband is a youth pastor and I find that the longer God allows us to stay in the ministry the harder it becomes for me and the more selfish I become in regards to it!

It isn't hard because of the teens, the teens are great. It isn't hard because of the parents, we have exceptional parents. It's isn't difficult because of our church or the body of believers God has placed us with, because they are incredible and support the ministry with everything they have. I find this ministry difficult because 9 times out of 10 I am at home with my two beautiful babies and not with the teens God has so given me a love for. For those of you that don't quite understand this statement well, have God give you a passion and a love for something and then not be able to fully devote all you have into it. It can wrench your heart out most days and leave you feeling less than worth the calling God has given you. I say all of this knowing that God has a plan and purpose.

First and foremost I would never trade the time I have wih my girls. They are such a joy to me and thru them God teaches me daily how His love far exceeds even my own for my children. And I realize that I will never get this time back, so I try and enjoy every minute, every first smile, step and coo! Secondly I realize that this is for a season and will not last forever, there are plenty of years left for Scott and I to walk together in ministry. And lastly I know God is teaching me some incredible lessons. That regardless of Scott's absence on occasion to be with the youth, my Savior must be my everything. He must be enough for me! I know He is but the tangible husband is sometimes easier for my human brain to rely on. So of course God has given me plenty of opportunities to remind me that He is always present and within reach. Also I believe God is teaching me how to sacrifice. Sacrifice time with my husband, sacrifice time away from the teens I so love and have a passion for. And lastly sacrifice the selfish nature within me for something so much bigger. Something eternal!

I realize i am a rare breed. A person called to minister but not on the front lines. I stand towards the back in support of the ones who are on the front lines. I stand in support of my husband who has been called by God to do a great work for His kingdom! In the eyes of the world I suppose I look much like a stay at home mom who works part time and takes care of her family but I know in the eyes of things eternal, in the eyes of a loving God I am a warrior. Called to fight for my family, my home, my marriage, my kids and the teens God has given to us. Fight in the only capacity and way I know how. On my knees in prayer. Petitioning on behalf of those I know and love.

I write all of this not for anyones benefit but my own. In the moments when my selfish nature comes out and prevails me to throw a pity party for myself my loving God reminds me of all these things and more. Thanks for allowing me to vent and remind myself all He is in me and all He allows me to do!

Commitment

Yesterday I traveled to California to see my grandma (or Baba, which is grandma in Serbian) and try and visit with her one last time. She has been ill for many years but the last two have been especially rough and she has struggled for longer than I care to think about. After the last hospital stay they sent her home to spend time with my Jedi (grandpa in Serbian) and the rest of the family before God calls her home. My Mom, Uncle, Aunt and two brothers and I spent the day with my grandparents today and yet again I was reminded of what true commitment looks like.

For as long as I can remember my grandparents have been truly in love. They are the epitome of Mark 10:8 which states, "and the two shall become one." I can remember growing up and hearing my grandmother tell me so many stories of the little things my grandpa would do on a daily and weekly basis. Things like leaving her a note on his pillow so when she woke up she was reminded that he had thought of her or that he had thanked God for her that day. He always had her walk on the inside of him so that if a car or bus came by while walking he was protecting her. He would be at work and call her just to check in or because he missed her. Nothing grand or expensive but always there and always reminding her that she was his number one in life.

As they have gotten older and their health has declined they have had to switch one taking care of the other and of course in recent years since my grandmothers health has suffered so much, he has been her sole caregiver. He does the laundry, he cooks (pretty well too for an 80 year old man!!)and does everything and anything that she needs. Many times I have seen him with tears in his eyes because the love and respect he has for her is something that overwhelms him. And as I watch them I wonder...what must be going through their minds as 56 almost 57 years together is coming to an end? Are they reminiscing in their minds of all the incredible moments they must have shared or are they savoring the last moments that God grants them together? I hope both!

Having seen their marriage for 30 years I am so thankful for the legacy they are leaving. In a world where marriage is treated as a trivial and easy in, easy out adventure they have shown me that it does work. That two people committed to each other and the covenant they made before and with God is possible.

Another day tomorrow with her as my last and then I have to say goodbye to one of my best friends. Although I am so sad to have her leave this world I am so thankful to know where she is going and jealous to know she will meet our Savior and Creator first. So this my first blog post is dedicated and a tribute to an incredible couple. One I hope Scott and I can one day compete with! I love you Baba and Jedi!!!